As I navigate life as a single parent I find many things confusing. Amongst them is the question of why, when my husband has spent many years accusing me of being unfaithful and trying to put him down, he wants to be reconciled. Today he rang me up to talk and I am now even more confused. Since before Christmas he’s been accusing me of not wanting to even acknowledge his existence and yet today he’s saying he thinks he’s been doing everything to show that he cares about me. I would have thought that showing that he trusted me by giving me the benefit of the doubt would have shown that he was changing and caring about me, the way he has been acting just shows he’s more interested in his feelings than mine.
I don’t understand why he can’t see that his behaviour over the past years has been pushing us away and now we are giving him what he wanted. Actually I can but I don’t want to go back to life on his terms I have a life now where I can worship the God I love without having to try to be someone else’s god. I have a life where I don’t have to see fear in my children’s eyes most days and I can’t put them back into a life of fear. I pray that he will find healing and faith but he’s certainly not anywhere near that point yet.